Friday, July 06, 2007

ERECTED RIDES

Erected Rides
If the title made you smile, then read on…

The biggest passion fancied by most men on this earth is riding on a bike. They say it makes them forget about their worries and travel across the globe with no dues! There is a sudden rush of adrenaline through their veins that elates them to the seventh heaven (oh for god’s sake!). Some of them even compare it to moksha or salvation. And if their lady love is sitting right behind them, it’s like a cherry on the cake!
Why do guys prefer to take their girls out on a bike to a car or any other vehicle? I mean neither can you talk properly nor can you see each other’s face; all that you can do is scream on top of your lungs and say something urgent or just play pass-n-pass with the helmet (if you are one swell Indian!).
And so this question intrigued me to the extent that I started observing couples on bikes. I would like to appeal that don’t misinterpret my habit of observing to staring at the poor souls like some desperate Indian who lives out his/her fantasies by just gaping at other people enjoying. And one more thing before we move on, I am not cynical about Indians!!
On surveying the love-birds on motorcycles, I could list down a few things in common between them. Firstly, the guys would prefer to leave space in the front and sit in a way that they occupied more than half of the passenger seat as well. The poor ladies at the back are left praying that they might just not fall off the bike! May be the guys have some disease like steero-phobia, just discovered the fear of steering handles! Or may be they are psychologically disturbed by a nightmare that some wicked aunt of theirs might spring out of the fuel meter and pounce on them.
Secondly, the only rule that men seem to follow when they drive is, “if there are breaks, pull them hard!” And so, their female passengers are pushed in front every time the driver decides to halt. The result, oh come on readers, you must’ve figured it out!
Finally, ladies, I can’t believe you never got the whole story working behind the scenes (or I should say between the bike riders!)! And trust me; the consequences of our actions are vaster than you seem to think. Women tend to rest a hand on various places of the driver (pardon my bluntness). The coy ones will have a hand on the driver’s shoulder, a sign of assurance I guess, saying some thing like I-know-we’ll-make-it-without-being-hit. A girl living in her own dream-world, probably wishing that a love song would just start beating in her ears, would have her arms wrapped around him, constantly reminding the poor guy that he’s hooked big time and at the same time convincing herself that the other guys are dying to trade places with him!
And last, but not the least for there are many places where a girl can set her hands on (pardon me again!), there is this one kind of women who intrigue me the most, for they seem to be trapped between the easy and the “pleasurable” ways of sitting on a bike. They have a knack for resting a hand, preferably the right, on the driver’s thigh. It gives the illusion that the driver might lose his senses if she even moved a finger. The sight of a women sitting behind her husband with their child in between and her right arm twisting so that her hand reaches her husband’s thigh raises profound sympathy in the viewer’s eye; maybe she fears being spanked on reaching home…
So much for the “hows” of the feminine sex sitting behind the men-folk, but herein lies the answer to our curiosity. What more can a man ask for than a life in unfathomable and never ending excitement?! I’m sure you men must be thinking, “You gotta be kidding us lady!” but you cannot deny the fact that these little, yet substantial and sensual signs of love do shove you into a blissful palace of desire and pleasure. I just cannot identify with the fact that you are still able to keep a watchful eye on the traffic coming your way. And I empathize with you if you become vulnerable.
I really didn’t give all of this a serious thought until I myself rode with my guy for the first time. Since it was my first ride with him, I was quite apprehensive in the beginning and sat with my back straight. With all these wild possibilities swarming in my mind I tried to save him from an anachronous and incongruous surge of delight maintaining some space between us. After a few rides, I tried, in vein of course, to categorize myself into one of the women I’ve portrayed above. Don’t ask me why I broke up with him…